It's no secret that I've always wanted lots of children, and up until the day I found out I was pregnant I've never wanted anything but girls. I've had hundreds of girl names picked out since I was a little girl, but could never even bring myself to the thought that I could have boys one day.
When I found out I was pregnant, Nathan and I instantly thought we were having a boy, and we were in love with that idea. We have called him a boy every time we refer to him, we had his name picked out and have called him "Cade" for months now. I didn't know why we were so sure he was a boy, but I didn't care. I loved my little guy and have never regretted that he wasn't a girl.
Then, about 2 nights ago, I had the most intense dream that I've ever experienced in my life, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
I dreamed that I was very pregnant, 5 months or so, and all of a sudden I looked down and I was holding an infant in my arms. She looked so familiar and I didn't know why, but I just stared at her for a while. She was tiny, days or weeks old maybe, and she couldn't speak. But her eyes were wide open and she was staring at me, right in the eyes, and wouldn't look away. I stared back into her eyes, and although she couldn't talk, I could hear out loud exactly what she was thinking. She said, "Mommy, it's me, and I'm a girl. Please stop calling me a boy."
And instantly we were flying into the future, and landed in my doctors office, and I saw myself receiving my 20 week ultrasound. I heard the doctor say, "It's a girl!" and the baby said, "See mommy, I'm a girl. My name is Hadley."
I was in awe. I didn't have anything to say back, but even in my dream I knew that the moment would soon end and my baby girl would have to go away. I knew that I wouldn't be able to see her again for a few months so all I could do was just stare at her and take every part of her in. I stared at her beautiful blue eyes, her tiny toes and fingers. I tried to remember that sweet voice that she had, and I remember how bald and tiny she was.
And then I woke up.
I felt refreshed, so happy, so in love with this tiny thing that is growing inside of me, and while I don't care whether it's a boy or girl, one fact about my dream reassures me that it really could be real: I've never considered the name Hadley in my life. I had heard the name once a few years ago, but haven't thought of it since, and never considered it as a name I would name my child. But I absolutely love it, and if she is a girl, then obviously her name will be Hadley.
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