Tonight I put Cale down to bed for the last time as my little baby. Tomorrow he awakes as a toddler and I'm definitely emotional about it. I cannot believe that it's already been a year, and this week my memories of those first days with him have been flooding back into my mind.
It has been the hardest year of my life, and yet exponentially the most rewarding. I couldn't have imagined how little sleep I would still be getting a year later, or how tough of a newborn Cale would be with reflux, colic, and ear infections. I didn't realize how much money it would take to raise him and how difficult it would be to be a working mother. I didn't realize how my priorities would instantly change from wanting to be a professional to having an intense desire to stay home and raise him as a stay-at-home mother. I didn't realize the guilt I would feel for not being there for him every minute of the day. I didn't realize the difficulties that Nate and I would have in our relationship during this first year due to the stresses of parenthood.
I also didn't realize how intense I could love someone. I never knew that a giggle or a smile from someone so tiny could melt my heart. I didn't know that every little milestone he reached would make me so proud. I didn't realize that being called 'mama' could bring tears to my eyes so quickly. I didn't know that a hug could feel so good. I didn't know that things like poop could ever be funny. I didn't realize that I could feel complete if I only had one child. I didn't realize that my love for Nate could ever be stronger than it was....but it's all true -- I now know all of these things. My life is so rich. I really am the luckiest person on Earth.
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