Eden's Birth Story

Eden will be a month old in just a few days! I've been busy with a newborn and a toddler so I am excited to finally have time to write her birth story!

Due to some minor pregnancy complications, I was scheduled for a c-section on June 21, 2012 at 12pm. I was 39 weeks + 1 day pregnant. I arrived at the hospital at 10am to get all the prep work done for the surgery. I changed into a gown, answered a bunch of questions and filled out paperwork, got my IV started, spoke with the anesthesiologist and waited for the doctor to arrive. At first it was just Nathan and me, followed by my doula Christina, and finally my mom and her husband showed up with Cale. Cale wore a green "Big Bro" shirt and he was quite energetic. Christina reminded us that we needed a family picture before the surgery, so she was nice enough to take a few for us.


Before long it was time for Nathan to change into those awesome blue scrubs -- the "one size fits all but hugs your man parts too tightly" kind. He looked great! ;) After all the prep work was done, they gave me some medications and it was show time. I walked to the operating room holding my gown shut in the back, while Nathan and the family stayed back for a while. From the pictures that were taken during that time, it looks like daddy and Cale were having a great time while they waited.

The operating room was freezing as usual. I sat up on the tiny little bed while the anesthesiologist started the spinal. I was amazed how fast it worked. With Cale I had an epidural which took a while to kick in. The spinal worked before I could even lay down and they had to help me so I didn't fall. Almost immediately I began to get sick. Awesome. I rolled my head to the side and they gave me a little bowl to throw up in. I couldn't stop! I was so frustrated that I felt so awful, but they gave me something to ease the nausea and I started to feel better.

At about 12:30pm, they brought Nathan into the room. He sat by my head, and I again started to feel sick and threw up a few more times. After a little more medication I was doing better and the surgery was underway.

My c-section with Cale went very quickly, but Eden had plans of her own. She absolutely refused to come out. It took four people pulling and tugging for at least 15 minutes before she decided to make her entrance. I didn't feel pain, but I could feel all of the pressure and tugging which was significantly more than I felt with Cale. When she was ready to pop out, they lowered the surgical sheet so I could watch her birth. (This is not normal practice, but I insisted.) My huge belly was in the way and I didn't get to see much, but my little girl finally came out, and they raised her up so I could see her.

This was when I expected my little girl to be brought to my chest so I could hold and nurse her...but Eden was not breathing. She was a little bit gray colored and very limp. I tried not to panic (Cale came out screaming so this was new to me) and they took her over to the baby warmer to try to get her to breathe. It seemed like an eternity. I watched her across the room as they did everything they could and she wasn't making progress. I had insisted before the surgery that unless something was wrong with her, that she was not to leave that room, and they agreed to honor my wishes. But when she wasn't breathing I heard the nurse say, "There's no way she can stay here." I was devestated and couldn't believe what was happening, but before I could worry any more, my baby girl suddenly let out a cry, and I was so relieved. I didn't know until later, but Nathan was pretty worried too. He's a good man for not telling me that in the moment.

Luckily for us, after that first cry Eden began to breathe very well and her condition improved quickly. She pinked right up and got some good, productive screams out. They never had to remove her from the room. After a couple minutes they brought her to me and I got to kiss her sweet face.

Eden Brooke Carlson

June 21, 2012

12:47pm

8lbs 0.6oz (8lbs 1oz officially)

20.5"

Nathan, Eden, and I stayed there as a family for a long time while they stitched me up. At the very end, they asked if Nathan and Eden could leave the room since I was about done with surgery and it was hard to fit everyone in the tiny room at once. I agreed, and  that was when Cale got to meet his baby sister for the first time.


About 10 minutes later we were reunited again in the recovery room. The spinal wore off as quickly as it started working, and I was in a world of pain. The move from the surgical bed to the recovery bed was excruciating and I'm sure the whole maternity ward heard me screaming.

Eden Brooke, 19 hours old:

We were released from the hospital almost exactly 48 hours after Eden was born. The discharge paperwork listed her APGAR scores as 5 and 9. I feel very lucky that they were able to get her to breathe after such a traumatic delivery.

Life with a her has been amazing. Eden is such a good baby (much easier than Cale was,) but she's very much a momma's girl. She doesn't like daddy to hold her much, which frustrates Nathan, but we know it's a normal phase. She sleeps like a DREAM. She wakes up only twice at night, usually at 2:30am and 5am, but sleeps perfectly other than that. She nurses like a champ, and she's growing like a weed. At 3 weeks old she was 9lbs 1oz, a full 2lbs more than her brother was at that age. I love my little chunk!

6 days old (my original due date!)

Saturday she will be one month old. Where has the time gone? We are so blessed to have such an amazing family.

It's Baby Time!

Today I am enjoying one of the last couple days I will be pregnant with this little girl. A lot has happened these past couple weeks and I'm just ready to have a healthy baby.

When I was pregnant with Cale I started to have issues with my blood pressure going up at the end of my pregnancy which can signify preeclampsia. This is why I was induced with him at 38 weeks. Unfortunately those symptoms have returned this pregnancy and I've had some complications. A couple weeks ago I was sent to Labor and Delivery to check my blood and have some tests run to make sure I wasn't preeclamptic. Thankfully the tests were normal and I was sent home. My doctor advised me that because of the issues I'm having, she would not allow me to go past 39 weeks pregnant before requiring a c-section. I know my patient rights and I know I don't have to consent to anything. But after this past weekend when I was sent to Labor and Delivery again because the baby wasn't passing her movement and heart beat tests, I'm starting to wonder if a c-section this week is the best option. I was really hoping she would come on her own, but so far I'm not in labor, and my appointment is in 2 days. So if she doesn't come before Tuesday, we will have to make an important decision - set up a c-section for this week, or refuse the c-section and allow her to come on her own. Both come with risks and I've been stressing over which is the best decision. I suppose it will be an easier decision on Tuesday after we find out how I am progressing.

I have worked so hard this pregnancy to prepare for a natural, unmedicated, vaginal birth. I've done so much research, hired a doula (which is not cheap at all and not covered by insurance) and done every crazy thing I can do to help this baby come on her own, but my body apparently doesn't like to be pregnant past 8 months. I'm devestated at the thought of having another c-section, but if that's what it comes down to I am determined to make it a much different experience this time than I did with Cale by making some far different choices.

Most importantly, I will watch the entire procedure. I'm not a queasy kind of person, and watching my daughter be born is very important to me. After she comes out, I will make sure everything else is just as normal as it would be if I were having a vaginal birth. I will not allow her cord to be cut until it stops pulsing, she will be laid directly on my chest instead of moved to the warmer, she will breastfeed immediately, and never leave my side. She will definitely not leave the room like Cale did to go get weighed, bathed, etc. This pregnancy I am much more informed about my rights and the different experiences and choices I am allowed to make. I'm excited for as "normal" of a birth as possible - even if they insist on cutting her from me.

Can't wait for baby day!!! It could be any minute now.

29 days to go!

I can't believe there are only 29 more days until our little girl is due to arrive! I've had such an easy, fast pregnancy and it's going to be amazing to be a mommy of 2. I am 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow and only just the past few days I've started to really feel done being pregnant. I'm getting to the point where standing up from a sitting/lying position takes my breath away and I cannot get comfortable at night. Not to mention peeing 3 times a night. It's exhausting to take care of Cale during the day now so Nate has really been a lifesaver.

A couple weeks ago I woke up at midnight to the worst shooting pains in my ribs and shoulder blades and constant contractions. I almost thought I was in labor, but I refused to believe it since I was only 33 weeks along. The pain lasted hours and all I could do was pace around the house while everyone else slept. Eventually I was able to cry myself to sleep. The next morning I called my doctor who wanted to see me right away. After seeing me and determining that I wasn't in labor, she was concerned at how much pain I was still in and she sent me to the ER right away. There, I was given an ultrasound and determined I had gallstones. They told me I would need surgery soon to remove my gall bladder, but that the surgery couldn't be done until after the baby was born.  It was so awesome to see baby girl on the monitor again. It had been a few months since my last ultrasound and she has gotten so big! She looks SO much like Cale did at that stage and I'm just praying she looks like his little twin. I can't help it. I make adorable babies. ;)

Here is a couple recent photos of my growing belly!

In other news, there are about 3 weeks left until Nate and I are out of work. It truely has been a blessing in disguise and we cannot wait to move on with our lives.  We will both be taking several months off work to be at home with the kids and then Nate will start looking for work. I don't think I'll be going back to work any time soon. We will see!

Laid Off.

A little over a week ago, we got some pretty crazy news and it's changed a lot of our upcoming plans. It's been stressful but we are taking it as best as we can. When God closes a door he opens a window.

It's no secret that T-Mobile, USA has been on a journey to being acquired by AT&T, but a month or so ago, the deal fell through when the Department of Justice and the FCC had some concerns over the merge. AT&T decided to drop the deal for now, but it was everyone's intention to continue with the deal the following year. T-Mobile, in return, got 4 billion bucks from AT&T and spectrum, so all was looking good. We all knew that there would be some big changes happening soon, but none of us knew it would be this soon.

On Thursday, March 22nd, I went to work as usual. The day was normal and super slow so we expected that they would send us home. However, we were told no one was going home early and we didn't know why, other than our President was in the building in a meeting. He lives across the country, so this is not a common occurance.

At 1pm, 30 minutes before we were supposed to go home, an announcement was made to the entire building, to gather our things, shut down our computers and meet on the other side of the building. We didn't know what was happening, but the mood was weird.

We met in a common area together, about 200 of us, as the President of our division stepped up on a chair and said, "I just want to read this verbatim, so there is no confusion." And he proceeded to read a statement that Duetche Telecom had written earlier that day.

The next 30 seconds were a blur, but we found out that exactly 90 days later, on June 22nd, T-Mobile would be closing 7 of our 27 centers nation wide...including ours.

In that moment Nathan and I both lost our jobs, along with 3300 other employees across the nation. The announcement was timed so that everyone who was effected by this was recieving the announcement at the same time.

I called Nathan in hysterics, because I had shortly afterward realized that we would both be out of work 5 days before our little girl is due to be born. What about money? What about MEDICAL insurance?

This is a scary time for us, but again we are taking it as best as we can. Nathan wanted a new job anyway, and I wasn't planning on returning to work after the baby was born, but that was under the assumption that Nate was still employed...

Anyway, things happen for a reason. We will get through this! We do qualify for unemployement and we each get about 4 months of severance pay, so we will make it through!

Planning a party.

I am still in denial that my little boy is about to turn TWO! I will be cherishing these next 3 weeks because on March 30th Cale will no longer be my one year old. I'm sad that he's growing up so quickly, but excited too. He's SUCH a funny little boy, and so smart. He's talking so much and constantly shocks me with the things he says. I should give him more credit, he is my kid -- of course he's smart! :)

I've decided to do a vintage train theme for his party. He is obsessed with trains and I'm not the type to do a normal TV character theme party like Thomas the Train or Chuggington. So vintage trains it is, and the decorations are going to be SO cute.

His invites are in the process of being made, but here is a picture of the template:



I think they're cute! The party is on March 31st, so hopefully I can pull it all together in time.

Life is pretty... dare I say...normal? lately. Things are going really well with my pregnancy, and after our anatomy scan a few weeks ago I am confident she's a girl. I am now a little over 23 weeks and can't wait for her to be here!

Here is my growing belly just a couple weeks ago. I get bigger by the minute I think.



We still haven't decided on her middle name, although it's down to 2 choices I think. Nate isn't a fan of one of them, but I wasn't a fan of Cale's middle name at first and I eventually agreed to it anyway -- and I don't regret it. I hope the same will be true with this baby, cause I'm tired of wondering what her name is going to be. At least the first name hasn't changed. I'd be a wreck if we had to start from scratch.

In other news, we are moving. We finally gave 60 days notice to our apartment and our goal is to buy a house. BUT, due to the fact that we will have several thousand dollars in medical bills coming up and me quitting work after the baby is born, plus Nate taking several weeks off work (unpaid) for paternity leave, our finances are about to take a big hit. So my amazing mother and step father have opened their home to us from May-August so we can avoid going into debt during that time and hopefully save enough money to get us into a home. It will be a tight squeeze with 4 adults, a two year old, and a newborn all in one house, but we are very grateful for the opportunity. And I can't lie -- I'm thrilled to have grandparents help full-time after the new baby arrives.

Update on Baby #2

I can't believe we have hit the halfway mark already! I am 20 weeks pregnant now and my little girl is so active. She kicks constantly and I can tell she is getting higher up in my belly. She kicks right under my belly button sometimes -- it's a wonder my belly button hasn't popped out yet! (It never did with Cale either.)

We have for sure settled on her first name but haven't decided on the middle name. There are so many that I like but Nate doesn't seem to want to commit to one yet.

The other day I wanted to start making her name blocks to go above her crib and they are turning out great! I still haven't put the letters on, but here's how they look so far:


I bought 2x4 from Home Depot, cut it into different size blocks, sanded them, painted them, and the covered them with scrapbook paper and ribbon/flowers/lace etc.
I think they are turning out really cute and can't wait to cut the letters out.

Yesterday I was filling out my pregnancy journal for Week 20 and Cale refused to let me do it alone. He had some crayons in his hand and I thought it would be really special to let him draw a picture for his sister. He's going to be such a good big brother.



We have our big anatomy scan on Monday. I will be almost 21 weeks at the time and I'm hoping that everything is normal. I also hope she shows her goods really well because a part of me still doesn't believe it's a girl. I have hardly purchased anything in pink because I'm worried she will turn out to be a boy. (Not that I wouldn't love another boy!)

My Favorite (and least favorite) Baby Items

I thought I would compile a list of my favorite and least favorite baby items! From the necessities to the "fun" items, it's hard to figure out what exactly you need and what you don't, when bringing a new baby home. I wish I had a list like this when I was pregnant with Cale!

*Obviously there are a lot of necessities that I won't list here. These are simply some of my favorite items.

MY FAVORITE ITEMS:
(I have about 50 favorite things, but here are just a few)

1) Boppy Pillow
Obviously a necessity if you are breastfeeding, but it also works very well to prop up your baby when she isn't able to sit up yet. (Only when supervised, of course!) My son had terrible reflux, which is very common in new babies, so he couldn't lay perfectly flat until he was around 9 months old or he would have painful reflux. The Boppy was great to keep him propped up. Also, it's great to put behind your baby when they are learning to sit up, so that if they fall backward it's not a hard hit.

2) Recieving blankets
Your baby will only fit in them for a few weeks, but they are so multi purpose! They work great as wash cloths, burp rags, snuggle blankets - you name it! 7 or 8 is probably plenty.

3) Bottle Warmer
This one is controversial with many, but for us it was a lifesaver. When I went back to work and Nathan had to thaw out my breastmilk from the freezer, this was the easiest, fastest, and SAFEST way to heat it up. Microwaves are a no-no to heat up breastmilk or formula because it heats the milk unevenly and can burn the baby's mouth.

4)Glider Chair
Couldn't live without it. I still use it daily and Cale is almost 2. Baby's need to be rocked to sleep. It just makes life easier. (And get one with a rocking ottoman too or your feet will fall asleep!)

5) Baby Swing
I cannot praise this enough. It took us 6 weeks of hellish sleeping before we finally broke down and bought the Fisher Price My Little Lamb Cradle n' Swing. BEST.PURCHASE.EVER. Cale finally slept and we did too! (Also a dream for reflux babies.) He literally slept in the swing 90% of the time for the first 4 months.

6)My favorite bottle -- Playtex Drop Ins
There are lots of fancy bottles out there, and believe me, I've tried every one of them. Playtex Drop Ins get two thumbs up from me, cause let's face it: When you haven't slept in weeks, the last thing you want to do is wash bottles. The drop in liners are disposable so all you have to wash are the nipples. Also, the drop in liners are easy to squish all the air out of the milk so you don't give your baby gas.

7) Infant "gowns"
These are a type of sleep sack that are scrunched up at the bottom. They just wear that to bed, and then in the middle of the night you don't have to mess with zippers or snaps! Finger dexterity is non existent at 3am, promise.

8) Medela Breast Pump
Don't waste your money on any other pump. Medela is simply the cream of the crop and worth every penny. I 100% attribute my breastfeeding success to Medela.

9) Video Monitor
I LOVE having a good, widescreen video monitor. I was particularly afraid of SIDS and was up checking on Cale 10 times a night. I zoomed the monitor in close to his chest and stomach so I could physically see his chest rise and fall when he was breathing. Absolutely saved my sanity. I also woke up to him rolling into the corner of the crib and I was able to roll him back over before he woke up.

10) Extra crib sheets and changing table sheets:
You WILL have blow out diapers. Promise.

11)Wipe Warmer
Another one up for debate, but personally we loved it. Nothing will make your baby more mad at 2am than having a cold wipe on her butt. You wouldn't like it either!



MY LEAST FAVORITE BABY ITEMS

1) Themed Bedding Sets
I cannot stress this enough. Sure they are cute, but first of all, NOTHING should be put in the crib with your baby until at least age 1. You will NOT use the comforter blanket, and crib bumpers are about the most unsafe thing you can put in the crib. It blocks the air flow and is a HUGE contributor to SIDS in babies. Blankets, pillows and bumpers are a huge no-no. Do not waste your money.

2) Bumbo Seat
Total waste. Never used it, never had a need for it, and Cale hated it. Some people like it, but I don't know why.

3) Plain White Onesies
No need in my opinion. It's just another layer to snap when you change diapers.

4) Fancy Burp Cloths
I made the mistake to get the cute burp cloths. They are way too thin and a good spit up from Cale took like 3 of them to clean it up. Seriously, buy "Gerber prefolds" which are like the old school cloth diaper but they aren't meant for cloth diapering anymore. They are the most absorbant material and PERFECT for burp rags.

5) Sling
So, so, so dangerous. If you want to carry your baby, buy a Moby Wrap or a Ergo Carrier. Slings are just so scary.

6) Infant Shoes
Just stick with cute socks. Infant shoes are totally unnecessary, and honestly it can truely hurt and disfigure their tiny feet. Even after they start walking they need the support of the ground beneath their feet without shoes. Infant shoes aren't necessary at all.

7) Pacifiers
If you want to ruin your chances at breastfeeding, ruin their teeth, and delay their speech, use them. Just sayin'

Lots more to come, but I need to make dinner for my kiddo.

Beaba Babycook

One of my favorite things I did with Cale when he was younger was make his babyfood. Of course going to the store and buying Gerber baby food jars is convienant, but let me tell you a couple reasons why homemade is better.

1) Cost
Each jar of baby food ranges between $0.65 and $1.29. This depends what "stage" of food you need (stage 1-3 or graduates, depending on the age of your baby, and also organic is more expensive.) Do you really think it costs $1 for that tiny amount of food? I don't think so. For example, if you made your own baby food using just 1 sweet potato (about $1.25 for a large sweet potato) it will yield about 3 times as much as you get for the same price in the store. (And this is an expensive example. Apples, pears, and many vegetables are even cheaper.)

2) Health
Making your own organic babyfood means you know where your food is coming from! Jarred babyfoods (even the "organic" ones)are sealed with preservatives that are not healthy. Also, to kill bacteria and prepare the jar for a long shelf life, manufacturers cook the foods at VERY high temperatures, which cooks out many of the vitamins, nutrients, and taste of the foods.

Making your own can be fun! You get to choose what your baby eats, and in fact, most of the time you can just puree what the rest of your family is eating and feed it to the baby. Your baby will have a much higher varitety of foods this way.

SO! How do you make it? When I made food for Cale I steamed the food on the stove and then mashed them by hand, and froze them in covered ice cube trays. Each ice cube was about 1oz of food, and it was so easy just to thaw out 1 or 2 cubes before mealtime. This also helps with waste, because once a jar of food is opened and used, you cannot save the rest later. It must be trashed.

When our new baby is born in June I am going to take the easier route and purchase the Beaba Babycook. (sold on Amazon, Babies R Us, and here: http://www.beabausa.com/product-babycook.cfm)

The Beaba Babycook does all the steps for you! First you slice up your food, put it in the steamer and let it steam. After a short period of time, the food is soft and ready to puree, which the Babycook will also do for you! What a time saver.
I cannot wait to purchase it!

Anyway, I hope some of you rethink how you will feed your babies! There are so many healthier options out there if you just take the time to research it.

Thank you to my friend Tahnee who is pregnant with her first, for recommending that I blog about my favorite baby methods!

Cloth Diapering - Just call me Crunchy.

I've found a new passion recently and I'm loving every minute of it. I find myself becoming "crunchier" by the moment. (Crunchy = parenting and lifestyle choices that are more natural and organic as opposed to popular and convenient.)

Some of my most crunchy decisions have been extended breastfeeding (age 2 is my goal and we're almost there,) making my own organic baby food, using home-made, organic household products, lots of DIY money saving projects around the house, and now CLOTH DIAPERING!


But cloth diapering is from the 80's, right? No! Well, yes, but boy has it developed since then. There are so many options it's honestly overwhelming, but I think I've got it down to a science.

Let me start with my REASONS for cloth diapering, and we'll see if you are convinced.

#1 - Cost!
With Cale we spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $2,000-$3,000 in the span of his diapering years. Newborns alone go through up to 15 diapers a day! That is a TON of money. Cloth diapering is a very cheap alternative that will save thousands, and let's face it. I want to be a stay-at-home mother very soon, and this is significantly helping with that goal.

#2 - Style & Comfort.
Disposable diapers are hideous. Not to mention made out of paper and plastic. Would YOU rather wear cotton underwear or plastic? (No need to answer, I'm confident of your answer.) Cloth diapers are ADORABLE. They come in many different designs, colors, shapes and sizes, and it's just about the cutest thing in the world.

#3 - It's healthier.
Until you've diapered your own baby, you cannot imagine the heartache you will feel when your baby has a terrible diaper rash. They scream when they use the restroom because the acid hurts their burning bum. They scream harder when you try to wipe it off, and stubborn diaper rashes can last for weeks. Sometimes they blister and bleed. Sometimes they get a yeast rash which is so nasty it requires antibiotics to treat. Disposable diapers are responsible for the majority of this. They are made with nasty chemicals that are released onto your baby's skin. Most diapers are even made with chemicals that are known carcinogens (cancer causing agents.)
^If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will.

#4 - and finally, environmental benefits.
One disposable diaper will sit in a landfill for 550 years before decomposing. YES, FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS! If your baby goes through 5,000 diapers through their diapering years (per child!) that is a significant impact to our environment. No thanks.

A part of me feels guilty that I didn't dive into CDing (cloth diapering acronym) from the beginning. I wanted to, but I was nervous to start something that I wasn't sure about. Especially being a first time mother, I really just wanted it to be easy. (Little did I know that CDing IS EASY, and combined with all of the other benefits, there really is no other option in my mind.)

Let's move on.

**Please note, there are about 20 different styles of cloth diapering, and I am only listing what works for us. All the information out there can be overwhelming, but feeding through it slowly will help you decide what system works best for you.**

Our newborn diapering system:

When baby girl is born in a few months we will use the simple prefold and cover system. The reason for this is that newborns grow SO quickly that they can grow out of diapers quickly and it can be costly if you buy the most expensive diapers right away. (There are one size diapers, but they can be a bit big and bulky on a new baby.)

Prefolds -- you'll need a minimum of 25 prefolds, and Green Mountain Diapers sell the best ones. They are about $2 each. (http://www.greenmountaindiapers.com/diapers.htm)

Covers -- you only need 2 or 3 since they are just a cover and don't get messy too easily. Thirsties work GREAT with prefolds and they are about $12 each. (http://www.thirstiesbaby.com/products/cloth-diapers/duo-wrap/)


That's all you need! (Besides the CD basics, which include a diaper sprayer, CD detergent, laundry bin and liners.)

All together this means you can cloth diaper your newborn for about $100! I went through $100 in newborn diapers just in the first MONTH with Cale. I shudder at the savings I missed out on.

Anyway, this post is plenty long! I will update frequently with other tips, especially with older babies. For now, this will do.

Hope some of this helps!

Good Friends, Good Food!

Nate and I have an obsession with finding the "good" food in our city. Usually the best, authentic foods are in hole-in-the-wall restaurants in the arm pit of Denver. There's this place called "Burbon Grill" that is probably the best food I've had in my life, but it's not even a sit down restaurant. It's literally a little window that you walk up to on Colfax and take the food home. But, man, it is awesome.

Last night we decided we wanted to spend some time with friends so we took them to one of our favorites: "Absynnia," which is an authentic Ethopian restaurant. The restaurant was busier than we've ever seen it, so it took over an hour before we were seated and had food. But as always it was worth the wait!

For those who have never had Ethopian food, you sit around this tiny little table and everyone's food comes out on the same tray. You eat with your hands by picking up your food with little pieces of their homemade bread, "Anjura."

The spices they use to make their food is DIVINE.

We had sucha good night and it was nice to get a break from Cale. He has been driving me a little batty.

The worst day of motherhood...

Are you ready for this? Today I have seriously had the absolute worst day of motherhood I've ever had. It probably doesn't help that I'm pregnant and easily irritated as it is, but things just got out of control today and I've spent the majority of my evening in tears.

Let me begin by explaining that Cale turns 2 in March and is well into his "terrible twos." He loves to hit, head butt, throw books and toys at me, and arch his back and fall to the ground. It's probably my least favorite thing in the world.

Today when I got off work I decided to have a fun day, so I took Cale and my niece Cheyna to the local indoor kids play place and they had so much fun. The terror started when we got home.

Cale spilled juice and soda all over the entertainment center (where the PS2, Wii, DVD player, and dish reciever are...) and thought it was hilarious. When I cleaned it up, he got another glass and did it again.

Soon after that, I smelled that he had a dirty diaper but he refused to let me change it. So he sat in it for a while, until he came up to me with a handful of poop. (I am pregnant and the smell of his poop is the WORST. I nearly puke every time I smell it.) Nate was at work and I was the only one who could clean it up. It was horiffic.

After that he continued with his hitting, throwing, head butting etc, until it was time to meet Nate for dinner. I thought getting him out of the house would help his attitude. WRONG! He was a complete terror in the restaurant, throwing himself on the floor, climbing out of his high chair, not listening to a word I said, and screaming bloody murder if I tried to control him. So I left Nate at the restaurant and took Cale home before either of us finished eating.

The whole way home I bawled my eyes out. I honestly have never felt hatred toward motherhood the way I did tonight. I felt like my child hates me and didn't know why we were going through it.

Lucky for me it was Cale's bedtime when we got home. But of course it turned into a nightmare.

I laid Cale on the floor in his room and tried to get him ready for bed. OF COURSE he had a sick crappy diaper again, so as I'm changing him the smell is getting to me and I instantly (no warning whatsoever) blow CHUNKS everywhere! -- It was ALL over me (my hair, my clothes, my legs...) ALL over Cale, all over the rug in his room, and worst of all, all over "NyNy," his security blanket which goes everywhere with him. There was NO way he was going to bed without that blanket but I had no choice but to throw it in the washer. He threw a bloody fit while it washed, and in the meantime I am still bawling and trying to wipe the puke off of us.

Cale finally went to sleep, I think we were both drained.

But I am a wreck. I'm laying in bed, smelling of dried vomit, with absolutely no energy in the world to take a shower. Cale's bedroom reeks of puke. It's a wonder he can even sleep in there. My hair is crispy from the barf. I have the headache from hell. I'm feeling all of the worst emotions in the world, and hoping that typing this will make it better. Who knows. For now, it just makes me feel guilty. I feel like an awful mother. Punishing him does nothing except make me feel like the bad guy. I yelled at a toddler. Who gave me that right?

Sometimes I wonder why I chose the responsibility of parenthood. I'm failing miserably.

The Fetus.

About 2 weeks ago we found out our little fetus is a GIRL! We are super excited that we get to have a girl and a boy now! We have had 3 ultrasounds so far and it is so much fun to see her grow. The first ultrasound was just to determine her due date which will be June 27, 2012. The second was the NT Scan, which determines the risk of genetic abnormalities and birth defects (she passed with flying colors, YAY!) and then a couple weeks ago we had an elective 3D/4D scan to determine the sex of the baby. She's all girl and we couldn't be happier.

During the ultrasound, the tech said, "Well, here's three lines, so it's a girl!" and immediately Cale looked up and said "Ohhhhhhh NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" We all died of laughter. He knows what he's in for with a baby sissy.

..."Sissy" is her name for now. Not because we don't have a name - we do, but we aren't telling! I hated all the crappy opinions we got when we told everyone about Cale's name so this time they aren't getting the priveledge of knowing the name until she arrives. Maybe that'll teach them to insult a pregnant lady! Ugh.

(For example...the other night after we found out she was a girl, we all went out to dinner and I told my mom what we were going to name the baby if it was a boy, which was Cohen. She said it was awful and gave Nate a high-five for making a girl so we couldn't use that name...FML. I didn't let her see, but that comment made me cry. She should understand that comments like THAT are why she's not in the 'know' this time. And she wasn't the only one that gave comments like that when I was pregnant with Cale.)

Anyway, moving on...

This pregnancy has been a dream compared to Cale's. With Cale I was so sick that I lost 11 lbs in first trimester, and my heartburn was of the devil. This little girl is very sweet to mommy. She doesn't make me sick hardly at all, and I've been lucky to avoid the heartburn. I hope she's as sweet to me in her terrible two's as she is right now.

I'm 17.5 weeks pregnant right now and I'm excited to approach the half way mark in a couple weeks. On February 13th we will go for the anatomy ultrasound where they check all her bones and organs to make sure she's developing properly. I'm nervous but mostly excited to see how she's growing!

Here are a couple more pictures of her: